*actual photo from high school, read on to understand
Growing up I always had my eye on the future. I was born tired of everything, rushing through life to get where I was going, which was anywhere but here.
In high school I decided my life’s goal was to be rich. That’s it, just to make the most money possible. This past Christmas at home, I found a newspaper clipping from my senior year. My small-town newspaper had interviewed me and I told the journalist that after college I wanted to “buy a large corporation and be CEO.” What the hell was I thinking? ::sigh:: Teenagers…
I was so myopically focused on this goal to be rich that I selected a business major based on which degree made the most money coming out of college. It just happened to be finance, so that was that. I decided to major in finance, in money. Made perfect sense at the time.
Because of this laser-focus on my future riches, I ignored a few telltale signs that finance was gonna suck for me:
- I can’t for the life of me hold numbers in my head. Math doesn’t come easily. I don’t think in digits. I can’t even do simple addition in my head. I was given the choice between math and reading in 6th grade and I chose reading. This list goes on and on.
- My college finance classes were my least favorite, but I was making A’s, which was going to make me rich, so I paid no mind. The only books I kept from classes were from philosophy, urban studies, and communication. I got rid of my finance and accounting texts as soon as I finished my finals. Ick, get them AWAY from me.
- I hate following rules. I hate being inside boxes. I have an inherent distrust for authority and a real bad taste in my mouth about most existing systems. Corporations are all about systems. Cubicals are literally boxes one works within. Accounting (an important component to finance) is seriously all about rules. GEEZE.
Maybe I figured a job in finance would be different than an education in finance, and involve less numbers. Probably I just ignored the signs and anything else getting in my way of achieving my future goal.
Unfortunately for my soul but fortunately for my bank account, my laser-focused future goal worked out splendidly. I achieved it. I got the finance job managing millions and making a pretty penny for my young self. I was on a secure path towards corporate riches. Unfortunately, I was also on a sure path towards crazy. Only three years into my finance career and I about lost my soul and my mind.
If it’s not yet obvious, my laser-focused future goal totally failed in putting me on the right path, following my passion; the path that I am on now. Correct – teaching open awareness yoga and writing is not nearly as lucrative as corporate finance, and my past self would NEVER have gone for it. But, I am actually satisfied. I am so much happier!
How, pray tell, did I stumble upon this passionate, happy, satisfying path?
The answer: I spent a year practicing and developing what I call
Practicing open awareness has brought me to the point I am today, where I am working for myself and building my passion professionally. Practicing open awareness has also emerged as the foundation of all my personal growth: relationship and attachment issues, anxiety and depression management, and resetting my relationship with alcohol, to name a few.
Everything around me fits now. I am not exaggerating. I’m living the life. And, surprise surprise, it doesn’t require me to be rich.
Want to know more about this whole open awareness thing? Click around – blog post published and more interactive explanation coming soon.